The Ready For Polyamory Podcast

Season 4 Episode 1: Guarding Yes and Saying No

July 31st, 2021

Today's episode is a discussion of when saying "no" is healthier for us as people, especially in interpersonal relationships, and why we generally are conditioned to say "yes" anyway.

We cover:

  • Reasons it's hard to say no.
  • Signs we may need to be saying 'yes' less often in particular relationships
  • How this applies to polyamory in particular
  • How this applies to relationships and sexual situations
  • How to stop owning others' emotional and physical "stuff" and focus on our own through "no" and its substitutes
  • How ask v. guess culture may play into our ability to receive no in a way that makes others feel safe to tell us no within relationships
  • Why being a safe person to tell no is a goal we should strive for in relationships, romantic and otherwise.


My favorite reminder to guard my yes, the article by René Brooks that gave me that concise phrase for the idea: . She meant it for ADHD folks to keep us from going off the deep end of overcommitment to activities, but it applies equally to polyamorous folks who want to be there for every moment of every partner's life and need.

Dr. Judith Sills on when and why saying No is good for us:

As always, our music is provided by the talented Vince Conaway who you can find at; the blog is at, the Patreon at; the ko-fi at; you can join us on Facebook at, I'm on twitter @lauracb88 and instagram @readyforpolyamory.