"Acknowledging compersion isn't denying our jealousy. You can have a lot of different emotional 'foods' on your 'plate' at once."
"We shouldn't beat ourselves up if we don't feel compersion the first day, just like we don't beat up our gardens for not sprouting the day we first plant and water the seeds."
Laura and Dr. Liz Powell talk about how to interpret your jealousy, use it as information to keep yourself moving toward your values even when it's hard, and to see compersion as a non-required but aquirable skill that you can work on if you want to.
Polyamorous references often make jealousy into a sort of boogeyman spectre and compersion into its antidote, and neither of these things are true - pretty much at all. Emotions are a lot messier than the idea of putting them on opposing spectrums makes it sound, and relationships are a lot more fluid than blaming all problems on "you're just jealous" and all solutions on "being more compersive" could ever cover. So join us for today's podcast episode for a discussion of some of the why and some of the how of both parts of this issue.
Ready For Polyamory links that touch on Jealousy and Compersion:
https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/hard-won-compersion
https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/podcast-episode-5-compersion
https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/compersion-is-not-mandatory
https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/emotional-ergonomics-boundaries-and-self-compassion
https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/jealousy-insecurity-and-nesting
https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/season-3-episode-9-practical-solutions-for-jealousy-and-fomo
https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/but-don-t-you-get-jealous
https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/jealousy-and-hierarchy
Link to Dr. Liz's compersion slides and worksheets that they were kind enough to make available: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/15wgY-uA33jwiHXZ80y7tfYXQKRiIEOLK
Dr. Liz is a sex educator, therapist, speaker, and author who works with singles, couples, and polycules across the sexual spectra to improve their lives - including the sexual portions of them. They work with anyone who wants to cultivate healthy, consent-driven, and autonomy-focused relationships, although non-monogamists, non-binary folx, kinksters, and queerdos are a special focus. You can learn more about their therapy practice (licensed in CA and OR) and coaching at their site, become a backer of their Patreon for early access and exclusive content at their Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/drliz, buy their book "Building Open Relationships" here or follow their social media for more information on their future work. The Indiegogo for the audiobook version of their book Building Open Relationships is running now, check it out: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/building-open-relationships-audiobook#/
As always the Ready for Polyamory blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com; you can find Laura at Twitter @lauracb88 and IG and TikTok @readyforpolyamory; the Ready for Polyamory facebook group at facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, links to peer support sessions with Laura here, and the Ready for Polyamory Audiobook here, as well as paperback and Kindle on Amazon.